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Archive for the 'sexy things' Category

werner herzog greeting cards (click for awesome punchline!!!!!)

new slang for you.

apparently, vaginal canals can be different lengths.

I do not believe, however, that doctors describe them as being either a “Bert” or an “Ernie.”

The boys of today will make terrible lovers.

You guys ever masturbate?
It’s really really easy these days! I can just turn on my computer, type “vaginas” into Word Perfect, and I’m ready.
But back when I started working on mah bird, all there was was HBO. And back before The Sopranos, even back before First and Ten, all HBO had on at night were […]

I’m in Philadelphia.

1) I bought a soft pretzel today from a Mennonite teenager. I was reminded how when I was 10 or 11 I told my parents I wanted to be Amish. I didn’t mention that it was because I wanted to bone an Amish girl really badly, and just didn’t see any other way around it. […]

Dirty talk!

The tension was building. They both knew it. “Girl,” he said, nestling deep DEEP into the couch, “I can’t wait to let you smell it.”
“Hey Big Daddy,” she cooed with a put-on southern drawl, “you gonna shove some fingers in mah stew?”
“Baby,” he said in an oily grunt, “I will bang you. I will bang […]

Good advice!!!!!!

If I was hugging a girl, and got embarassed because I suddenly popped a boner, I’d just tell her not to worry about it, because it’s not from her but just “leftover from something else that happened before.”

These are two rather rude thoughts.

1) Wearing a jaunty red hat with feathers while sitting on the toilet feels kind of weird, especially when you’re in a hotel where the mirror faces the toilet and you can see yourself.
2) I would like someday for a girl to say the following about me: “He’s so hot it makes my cunt hurt.”

WEEEEooooWEEEEoooo! Boner Police!

I overheard this woman — an eighth grade teacher — talking about nude beaches. She works with a guy from Costa Rica who was telling her that at the nude beaches in his country, “they” hand out pills to men so that there won’t be any accidental erections. She was wondering if this was true.
I […]