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Archive for December, 2006

I’m in Philadelphia.


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1) I bought a soft pretzel today from a Mennonite teenager. I was reminded how when I was 10 or 11 I told my parents I wanted to be Amish. I didn’t mention that it was because I wanted to bone an Amish girl really badly, and just didn’t see any other way around it. […]

Somerville


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There are no cars or trucks driving on my street. Birds sing as the milkman checks his list and drops off 4 pots of yogurt, two pints skim while whistling a jaunty tune. Neighborhood stray dogs are banding together to do fanciful tricks for our enjoyment. The Brazilians lie sideways in their hammocks, thinking about […]

Dirty talk!


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The tension was building. They both knew it. “Girl,” he said, nestling deep DEEP into the couch, “I can’t wait to let you smell it.”
“Hey Big Daddy,” she cooed with a put-on southern drawl, “you gonna shove some fingers in mah stew?”
“Baby,” he said in an oily grunt, “I will bang you. I will bang […]

Good advice!!!!!!


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If I was hugging a girl, and got embarassed because I suddenly popped a boner, I’d just tell her not to worry about it, because it’s not from her but just “leftover from something else that happened before.”

These are two rather rude thoughts.


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1) Wearing a jaunty red hat with feathers while sitting on the toilet feels kind of weird, especially when you’re in a hotel where the mirror faces the toilet and you can see yourself.
2) I would like someday for a girl to say the following about me: “He’s so hot it makes my cunt hurt.”